Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Before I met Jessica, I lived a life of subjective privilege for much longer than I care to admit. With her help, I came to a point in my life where I had two roads. One was “keep going the way you have, where it’s easy and your ideas aren’t challenged because you don’t surround yourself with challenge” or “take in a new way of looking at the world and understand it’s not perfect. Understand you can change it and as an ally and a partner in a healthy relationship, you can support these ideals that benefit society just by being a good person and acknowledging where you make mistakes. Welcome criticism. Accept people who challenge your ideas. Don’t just project yours.”

I chose the latter.

Jess clarified for me, on several occasions, her understanding of feminism is that a major part of the whole package is the act of change. Not necessarily transformation, but even paradigm shifts or new perspectives. Whether it’s accepting that people can change or changing for your own needs within the lifestyle of feminism, change is a necessity. And a pretty constant one at that.

Our society has ways of controlling both men and women through the patriarchy. The attitudes and behaviors prior to the realization that the patriarchy is fucked have us treating one another, specifically women, rather awful. We believe in comparisons of gender to the point where “throw like a girl” is a negative thing and “men growing beards when they don’t work with their hands/pray to God/hike a lot makes them posers of masculinity/terrorists” is this actual concept that have men and women grouping together on social networks and claiming they have petitions to ban beards in businesses. ‘Cause y’know, Hipsters have beards, real men wear beards. Malarkey.

Unfortunately, there’s a constant flow of negative things about women whereas men, well… less so. Men, in our Western Patriarchy, still have to meet an absurd standard as well, don’t get m wrong. To those who fight feminism and call themselves “Equalists,” there’s this privilege and separation gap that prevents them from understanding this. Those that say they do most likely still don’t. I know I still don’t always understand where my privilege lies.

Hence why I check my privilege.

Thankfully, change can happen.

I was an idealist who fought for equal marriage but I was one of those wishy-washy white guys who thought saying he wanted gay marriage let him get away with saying some pretty terrible slurs.